PROPER SELF-ESTEEM
By David J. Riggs
Intro.
A. A man paid a visit to his local psychologist. When the doctor
asked him what had prompted his visit, the man said, "I'm
suffering from an inferiority complex." In the ensuing weeks,
the psychologist put his new patient through an intensive
battery of tests. Next came the long wait while the tests
results were tabulated and evaluated. Finally, the doctor called
the man and asked him to return to the clinic. "I have some
interesting news for you," the doctor began. "What's that?"
Asked the man. "It's no complex," the psychologist replied, "You
are inferior."
B. Laying all jokes aside, in this lesson we want to study
regarding proper self-esteem.
I. SELF-ESTEEM DEFINED.
A. What is self-esteem?
1. Many people think self-esteem is an evil thing.
2. They associate self-esteem with a lack of humility.
a. They would describe a person with self-esteem as one
who is egotistical or full of pride.
(1) This is not true. In fact, the opposite may be true.
(2) One who has low self-esteem may try to compensate by
appearing to know everything and by acting in an
arrogant way.
B. What then is self-esteem?
1. It is simply how a person feels about himself.
2. It is what a person, from within, thinks of himself.
3. Properly evaluating oneself can be much more difficult than
one might think.
II. THERE ARE VARIOUS TYPES OF SELF-ESTEEM.
A. As in many things, there are extremes of self-esteem--either too
high or too low. Each comes with its own set of symptoms.
1. There is the low self-esteem.
a. Low self-esteem is the inability to feel good about
oneself.
b. It is often characterized by a lack of self-confidence,
and feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy.
c. People with low self-esteem may have trouble accepting
compliments.
d. They may, however, accept or even apply derogatory
labels to themselves; e.g., "Clumsy," or "Stupid."
e. They may feel inferior to others, become withdrawn,
angry, or bitter.
2. There is the high self-esteem.
a. High self-esteem is when one thinks too highly of
himself.
b. It is easy for one, especially in our time, to be over-
inflated, thinking himself to be something when he is
nothing.
c. Our society teaches children that they are special,
unique, and wonderful, without teaching them the
responsibilities which make them special, unique, and
wonderful.
B. A sign on a children's club house said, "No big-shots. No
little-shots. Everyone is neutral."
1. There is some truth in this so far as the Christians are
concerned.
2. The Christian should not have low self-esteem, or high self-
esteem, but should be neutral.
III. WHY CHRISTIANS SHOULD HAVE SELF-ESTEEM.
A. Does it matter to God if we have a healthy self-concept?
1. A study of His word leads us to believe that God is
interested in our feelings of self-worth.
2. God created us in His image. Genesis 1:26
a. This fact alone makes every human being worth much.
B. Our self-esteem affects our feelings toward ourselves and
others.
1. When one draws his confidence from God, he will have
proper self-esteem.
a. He does not see himself as perfect or great, but he
knows he is special in God's sight.
2. With low self-esteem, he does not view himself as God
does.
a. He may be full of self-pity, fear criticism, and never use
his talents.
C. Our self-esteem affects our home.
1. A Christian who has proper self-esteem is more likely to
build self-esteem among family members.
a. Consider the worthy woman of Proverbs 31.
(1) After describing all her qualities, it closes with
these words - Prov. 31:28-31
D. Our self-esteem affects our work in the Lord.
1. A Christian with low self-esteem is less likely to get
involved in teaching programs or participate in spiritual
discussion with fellow Christians.
a. He may have the ability and talent to teach or to lead
singing, but his inferiority complex is keeping him from
his duty.
2. Our self-esteem affects our teaching to the lost.
a. Christians with low self-esteem are not likely to do
much personal work because they fear rejection.
b. Christians with low self-esteem may shy away from all
religious discussions because they fear they may not be
able to answer a question or defend their beliefs.
E. We can see that improving our self-esteem will also improve our
ability to serve the Lord.
IV. HOW CAN WE DEVELOP PROPER SELF-ESTEEM?
A. We must learn to place proper emphasis on physical appearance.
1. The world places great value on physical appearance.
2. Many people have low self-esteem due to a perceived lack
of attractiveness.
3. Physical changes can make us feel better about ourselves;
e.g. losing weight; but, a proper understanding of true
beauty is more important. 1 Samuel 16:7
B. Deal with guilt in the proper way.
1. All of us feel guilty from time to time - for sins we commit,
for responsibilities we shirk, or we may just feel like we
don't measure up to other Christians.
2. Guilt can be a healthy emotion if it causes us to repent;
however, guilt becomes a problem if we allow it to stay with
us.
3. Sins of which we haven't repented, or if we have repented
but can't forget, can cause low self-esteem.
4. Overcoming Guilt:
a. Repent and stop sinning.
b. Confess sins specifically.
c. Acknowledge God's forgiveness.
d. Learn to forgive yourself and others.
e. Don't dwell on the past.
C. Seek to overcome worry and fear.
1. Anxiety and fear can make one physically sick and make
others sick of him.
2. These are extreme, negative emotions; and they reflect not
only a lack of faith in ourselves, but a lack of faith in
God.
3. We conquer fear and anxiety:
a. By meditating on God's word. Psalm 1:2-3; 119:97-105
(1) God's word will give comfort and strength.
b. By Praying about our anxieties and fears. Phil. 4:6-7; 1
Pet. 5:7
c. By counting our blessings. 1 Thess. 5:18
d. By putting the kingdom of God first. Matt. 6:33
D. Deal with criticism in the proper way.
1. We may have low self-esteem because we fear the criticism
of others.
a. Evaluate criticism: Is it just? Is it helpful? Psalm
141:5; Prov. 9:8-9; Eccl. 7:5
b. Avoid reacting emotionally; consider and discuss the
facts.
c. When one has proper self-esteem, criticism does not
have the same impact as it has on the one of low self-
esteem.
E. Seek to be happy rather than complaining.
1. Our society is full of murmurers and complainers.
2. We are taught to do all things without murmuring and
disputing. Phil. 2:14
3. God wants us to be happy.
a. The word "rejoice" is found 183 times in the Scriptures.
The word "mourn" is found only 44 times. This ought
to tell us something.
b. There is a book entitled, "Happiness is a choice."
Certainly, happiness is a choice. We can either choose
to be happy or to be sad and miserable.
c. To enjoy life is a great gift from God. Eccl. 3:12-13;
5:18-20
Concl.
A. What is the best way to improve our self-esteem?
B. Only a life based on serving God will provide a lasting, real
sense of self-worth.
1. The Scriptures will give us a true picture of who we are,
who we ought to be, and with God's help, who we can
become.